Love

“If music be the food of love, play on.” What? Wait, this post isn’t about music. I’ve done that one already. No, this bunch buffoonery is about that age old mystery, Love. Being that time of year when large parts of the populace come over all soppy or in some cases soapy, I started to think about love and its place in my books. True, up to date, there hasn’t been a whole lot of time for romance and wooing in my stories, due in large part to the acts of mild violence and stupidity that take place throughout. The closest has been between the erstwhile Head of the Secret Service and a certain young maid. Unfortunately things didn’t turn out for them quite as intended.

Anyway, why am I rambling on about love? Well, my dear reader, I was thinking the other day how difficult it is to imbue a love affair between two fictional characters in one’s writings. I must admit I’ve struggled with the implementation. Various trysts have been written, new character have been created, but none have ever withstood the editor’s red pencil. Why, oh why is it so difficult to write about such topics? I came up with an answer, it lies with the innate problem that one is writing in the third person. These characters and actions are not your own and, however you might try, you just can’t relate that deeply when all you actually want to write is about is some calamitous accident that drives the narrative forward - Well, it does in my books anyway. Now, I’ll freely admit I have the romantic depth and range of an iguana, and that might well explain my lack of writing credentials in this matter; but really, why is this so difficult. I can’t be unique in this matter. Other writers, not specialising in romantic fiction, must find this tricky surely? The lack of emotional depth; the need for fully rounded female characters; the slowing of pace; these problems, and many more, seem to plague me at the moment. Still, where there’s a will there’s a way. Know this, so far my characters have been all about action, daring, stupidity, smelly farts and an unbelievable ability to self-harm. I hope to correct this and bring a wider more fully formed universe into play, where words like love, kindness, beauty and the benefits of lubricating jelly are more apparent (well, perhaps not the last one).

I started this article by writing the word Love at the top of the page and then staring at it for ten minutes, not knowing what I was going to write. I then seemed to pen a rant about how difficult it is to write certain characters, whilst totally ignoring the initial idea for the piece. I have to reach the conclusion that I am not the one to discuss this topic and should get back to the day job of writing farce and slap-slick. But as my school report card used to say - Must do Better - Happy Valentines.

P.S. God knows how Mills & Boon do it?